A big salary is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many people think that a high salary is more important than being satisfied with their job. I completely disagree with this opinion. In this essay i, I will explain my reasoning for this. Firstly, job saticsfaction is crucial for a person's mental health and well-being. If someone is unhappy with their job, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. This can negatively impact their personal life and relationships. Even if they are earning a lot of money, it will not compensate for the emotional toll of being miserable at work every day. Furthermore, when people enjoy their job, they are more likely to be motivated and productive. They will put in extra effort and take pride in their work, which can lead to better results for the company. On the other hand, if someone is only working for the paycheck and does not care about their job, they may do the bare minimum and not perform as well. For instance, studies have shown that employees who are engaged in their work tend to have higher productivity levels and contribute positively to their workplace environment. In my opinion, it is important to find a balance between a good salary and job satisfaction. Of course, everyone needs to earn enough money to support themselves and their family. However, it should not come at the cost of their happiness and mental well-being. It is possible to find a job that pays well and also aligns with one's interests and values. In conclusion, while a high salary is important, I believe that job satisficaction is even more crucial. It is essential for a person's overall happiness and can lead to better performance at work. Rather than prioritizing money above all else, people should strive to find a career that they are passionate about and that provides a good balance between financial stability and personal fulfilment.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position against the notion that a high salary is more important than job satisfaction. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the argument, particularly regarding mental health and productivity. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument further, as well as enhancing the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, adding a specific example in the second body paragraph to enhance the argument, and ensuring proper paragraph separation. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more sophisticated transitional phrases. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to overall coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors, such as 'saticfaction' instead of 'satisfaction' and 'relationshps' instead of 'relationships.' Additionally, the use of 'i' should be capitalized to 'I.' While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall accuracy and professionalism of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'emotional toll' and 'financial stability.' However, there are instances of repetitive language, such as the repeated use of 'job satisfaction' and 'salary.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position against the idea that a high salary is more important than job satisfaction. The main ideas are developed with relevant examples, such as the impact of job satisfaction on mental health and productivity. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument further.
7.5

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