A challenge for many students is deciding what major to study when entering universities, because of two important factors. First of all, students have to know exactly what their strengths and weaknesses are in all careers in society. Then, they will know if their abilities are suitable for certain jobs. There is a fact that students should not listen to what anyone says because this is only their future. For example, parents may say to their child: "you should study in a business university", but only the child knows that he likes drawing and he will find success as an artist. Another important point when students choose their university is the social demands. There is a saying that can explain this point clearly: "passion may not make money for a living". It is good if students understand themselves and are passionate about some jobs. But, some students may not fulfill their dreams and will not have success. Therefore, choosing what major to study at university must be connected with the demands of modern society to ensure the future success of students. In conclusion, students have to understand their abilities and know what society needs when they choose their major at university.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing the factors influencing students' decisions on their majors. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant points raised regarding personal interests and societal demands. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of analysis and providing specific examples to support the arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with clearer transitions, and refining vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples of successful individuals in various fields and expanding on how certain majors align with societal demands. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, the phrase 'this because of two main factors' is grammatically incorrect and could be rephrased for clarity. To improve coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'a challenging, this because of' and 'a student have to understand.' These mistakes affect the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Using more complex sentences correctly would also enhance the grammatical range.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'a student must to know' and 'social demands.' The writer could enhance their lexical resource by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding redundancy. For example, instead of 'strong and weak points,' they could use 'strengths and weaknesses.'
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The response addresses the task by discussing the factors influencing students' decisions on their majors. However, it lacks depth in analysis and examples, which could enhance the argument. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on how specific majors align with societal demands or provide more examples of successful individuals in various fields.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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