A friend of yours is going on holiday soon and has asked you to recommend a destination. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: Recommend a good place for a holiday that you have visited Describe where you stayed and what you can do there Provide one negative aspect about the destination
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear recommendation of Bali as a holiday destination, a good description of the accommodation and activities available, and a balanced mention of both positive and negative aspects of the location. 2. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the engagement of the introduction, improving transitions between sentences, reducing repetition of key terms, and correcting minor grammatical errors. 3. Structural changes made include adding an exclamation mark in the introduction for a more engaging tone, using 'Additionally' to improve the flow when listing activities, and correcting 'going to holiday' to 'going on holiday' and 'recommeding' to 'recommending'. These changes enhance clarity and coherence. 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider grammatical range. 5. The tone used is appropriate for a friendly letter, maintaining a warm and inviting style throughout the message.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' could improve the flow when listing activities. Overall, the organization is clear but could benefit from more varied linking phrases.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several minor errors, such as 'going to holiday' (should be 'going on holiday') and 'recommeding' (should be 'recommending'). These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but they do detract from the overall accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be incorporated for a higher score.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with some good phrases like 'friendly and helpful' and 'delicious food.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'holiday' and 'Bali.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or more varied expressions to enhance the lexical range.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses the task by recommending Bali as a holiday destination, describing the accommodation and activities available, and mentioning a negative aspect. However, the introduction could be more engaging, and the recommendation could be more personalized to enhance the connection with the friend.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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