A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not well-managed. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world? Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Tourism is very much important for many places on earth as it provide many moneys significant revenue for them. However, tourism is not without it's problems and negatives if it is not managedo well. One advantage of tourism is that it bringings a lot of money and business to the places that peoples visit. They spend on hotels, food, shopping, transport, and much more. This is providinges jobs and income for local people so it, which is good for the economy and helpings development. Many places in poor country aries have improve a lotd significantly because tourism gives them moneyfunds to build infrastructure, schools, and hospitals. SoTherefore, tourism can really helping society. On the other hand, tourism can have some badnegative effects too if there isare too many visitors. The local culture and environment sometimes get damaged when very muchtoo many tourists come and do not respect the place. Local people can loste their traditional way of life, and everything becomes too much commercialized. Alsodditionally, tourists can makingcreate a lot of garbage and pollution in beautiful natural areas if there is not good management. In my opinion, I am believinge that tourism haves more positives than negatives overall in the modern world. Most of the disadvantages of tourism can be fixaddressed with proper rules and regulations by governments. If they control and monitoring tourism carefully, limit visitor numbers, and protecting the environment and culture, then it can be very sustainable. Tourism will bringing development and benefitings to many places and their people without too much sacrifice. To conclude, while tourism does have some negative points, I think these are outweighed by the many advantages it can giveprovide to a place. Tourism should be encouraged, but it needs to be well planned and managed by authority. Ties. In this ways, we can traveling and enjoy the world responsibly while also helping less developed regions improve and raisinge their liveing standards.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, presenting a clear opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs and a relevant topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the development of ideas with specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and improving vocabulary usage. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of countries that have benefited from tourism and using more sophisticated vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be enhanced. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help to better connect the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('it provide' should be 'it provides') and incorrect use of possessive forms ('it's problems' should be 'its problems'). There are also awkward constructions, such as 'tourism can really helping society.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'money' and 'problems.' More varied and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, instead of 'money,' terms like 'revenue' or 'income' could be used. Additionally, phrases like 'local culture' and 'environment' could be expanded with more descriptive language.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism, and it presents a clear opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, the development of ideas could be improved with more specific examples and clearer explanations. For instance, mentioning specific countries or regions that have benefited from tourism would strengthen the argument.
6.5

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