A lot of students these days want to study abroad in countries that are different from their own. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying in a foreign country.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

When I think about studying in other countries, I remember how many of my friends dreamed about this opportunity. I believe this topic is very important to discuss, because more and more students choose to study abroad every year. In this essay, I will talk about good thingthe advantages and also some problems that students face when they study in foreign countries. First of all, studying abroad givprovides students many good chancwith many valuable opportunities for their future. When I talked with people who studied in other countries, they always say how this experience changed their lifeves in a good way. Students can learn a new language much better when they live in a country where people speak this language every day. Alsodditionally, they meet new friends from different cultures, which helps them understand the world better. In my opinion, these connections are very valuable for future work opportunities. However, there are also some difficult thingschallenges that students must deal with. The biggest problem is that living in a different country costs a lot of money, and many families cannot afford this. Another thingissue that makes it hard is the feeling of lonely, becauseiness, as students are far from their familyies and old friends. Sometimes I heard from my cousin who studies abroad that she feels very sad when she misses important family events. AlsoFurthermore, some students have troubstruggle with the different education systems and must work extra hard to understand how everything works. In conclusion, I think studying in a foreign country has more positive sideaspects than negative ones. Even though students face some challenges like money problems and feelingfinancial issues and homesickness, the experience they getain is very valuable for their future. I believe if a student has the chance to study abroad, they should take this opportunity because it will help them grow as a person and givprovide them with better job opportunities in the future.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, presenting a clear position and developing main ideas with relevant examples. Key strengths include a well-structured format with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, as well as a logical sequence of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments, smoother transitions between ideas, and a reduction in repetition of vocabulary. Structural changes made include refining the topic sentences for clarity, correcting grammatical errors, and enhancing cohesion with varied transitional phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and providing specific examples or statistics to support claims. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used, such as 'first of all' and 'however.' However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the use of more varied cohesive devices would enhance the overall flow.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'in good way' (should be 'in a good way') and 'costs lot of money' (should be 'costs a lot of money'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for minor mistakes and varying sentence structures.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with phrases like 'good chances,' 'valuable for future work opportunities,' and 'feeling homesick.' However, there is some repetition of words and phrases, such as 'study abroad' and 'students,' which could be varied for a higher score. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary would also enhance the lexical resource.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. It presents a clear position and develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the benefits of language acquisition and cultural understanding, as well as challenges like financial costs and homesickness. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments.
7.5

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