A restaurant has placed an advertisement for waiters and waitresses in your local newspaper. Write a letter to the restaurant, applying for the job. In your letter: explain what you are currently doing describe your suitability for this area of work say when you can attend an interview
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure, appropriate tone for a job application, and effective communication of the applicant's qualifications. The letter addresses all parts of the task well, demonstrating a good understanding of the requirements. Critical areas for improvement include reducing repetitive sentence starters and correcting minor grammatical errors. For instance, changing 'applicate' to 'apply' and ensuring 'skills' is pluralized enhances clarity and professionalism. Structural changes made include correcting the introduction to use 'apply' instead of 'applicate', ensuring 'skills' is plural, and adding a comma in the second paragraph for better flow. Additionally, I adjusted the closing to 'Yours sincerely' for a more formal tone. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures more significantly to avoid repetition and enhancing vocabulary to demonstrate a wider lexical range. The tone used is appropriate for a job application, maintaining professionalism and enthusiasm throughout the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph flows logically into the next, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link sentences and ideas. For example, the use of 'In addition to my studies' and 'In my current job' helps to maintain coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'applicate' instead of 'apply' and 'skill' instead of 'skills', but these do not significantly impede understanding. Overall, the grammatical accuracy is strong.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with phrases like 'valuable experience' and 'attention to detail' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'I am' at the beginning of multiple sentences, which could be varied for a higher score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task: it explains the applicant's current situation, describes their suitability for the job, and states their availability for an interview. The tone is appropriate for a job application, and the content is relevant and well-developed.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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