Academic Plan for the future 5 years
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by outlining a structured academic plan for the next five years, which includes graduating, gaining practical experience, and pursuing further education. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and a clear focus on the writer's goals. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors detract from the overall clarity. The use of cohesive devices could also be enhanced to improve the flow between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary choices, and adding transitional phrases for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific details about the types of internships and master's programs the writer is interested in. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, conveying determination and commitment to future goals.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the academic plan. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow. For instance, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the connections between ideas. Overall, the coherence is good, but there is room for improvement in linking sentences and ideas more effectively.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I have plan' (should be 'I have a plan'), 'very hardly' (should be 'very hard'), and 'gained practical experience' (should be 'gaining practical experience'). These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. While there is some variety in sentence structure, the presence of errors suggests a need for improvement. To enhance this score, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct word forms.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with some good choices like 'practical experience' and 'competitive edge.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'degree' and 'opportunity') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'univercity' should be 'university'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The writing addresses the task by outlining a clear academic plan for the next five years, including graduation, gaining practical experience, and pursuing a master's degree. However, it lacks some depth in explaining how these plans will be executed and the specific steps involved. To improve, the writer could provide more details about the types of internships they are seeking or specific master's programs they are interested in.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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