According to most doctors, adults need 30 minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is not surprising to me that many adult peoples does not get enough excercise novwadays. In the past, the life wereas much more physical, but now everything is conveninent and easy. So iTherefore, I think that more can be done by our society to help people to getbecome more physically active and healthy. First of all, the government should encourage people to exercise more. They can done this by makecreating more parks and green spaces in the city. If there are lotsmany nice places where we can go run and walk, then we will be more likely to do this. GThe government can also can givingprovide special discounts for gym memberships or fitness classes, so that people isare encouraged to sign up and be active. Another thing is that Furthermore, companies can help too. Some companyies already have special programs where employees get time off for exercise, or they organisinge sports events and competitions. This is very goodbeneficial because when your bosses and colleaugues are all doing it, then you feel more motivated to join in as well. Lastly, I think that schools play an importeant role. If children learn about the importeance of exercise from a young age, then they will continue this habit when they become adults. SoTherefore, schools should have more physical education classes and also teach about a healthy lifestyle in general. In conclusion, I believe that by working together - —government, companies, and schools - —we can really help people to be more healthyier and more active. It is important for everyone to understand that exercise is not just a hobby, but it is necessary for our well-being. SoThus, we must all do our part to encourage this good habit.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing various ways to encourage physical activity among adults, including government initiatives, corporate programs, and educational efforts. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the solution. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas with more specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement, improving transitions between paragraphs, and enhancing clarity through better word choice. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating statistics or specific examples to strengthen arguments and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a different aspect of the solution. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between points. Some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects overall clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are multiple errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'many adult people does not', 'companies can help too'), verb forms (e.g., 'can done this'), and sentence structure. These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'enogh', 'convient', 'importent') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'exercise', 'healthy'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling. Using synonyms or more sophisticated expressions would enhance the lexical resource score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing various ways to encourage physical activity among adults, including government initiatives, corporate programs, and educational efforts. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer connections to the main argument. For instance, providing statistics on the effectiveness of parks or gym discounts would strengthen the argument.
6.5

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