"Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?"

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's modern day, advertising has become much more common than in the past. It is very often to seen in almost everywhere we go, such as on the billboards, in the magazines, or on TVs. Even when iI am useing the internet, many advertisements appear and interrupt me. Sometimes iI feel annoyed and disturbed by this. I think that the increase ofin advertisementing has both positive and negative effects, but overall iI believe it is a negative development. On the one hand, ads can be useful for making people know aboutaware of new products or services. This helps businesses to grow and create job opportunityies. For example, if a company wants to introduce a new smartphone, they need to advertise so that customers will be aware. However, there are more negative impacts than positive ones, in my opinion. First, many ads today are for unhealthy food like fast foods and sugary drinks, which can lead to obesity and health problems. Second, ads take up a lot of space and time, which canould be used for more important things like education or art. Lastly, excessive advertising encourages people to buy things they don't need and be materialistic.promotes consumerism. In conclusion, although advertising haves some benefits, iI think it causes more harm than good in society. It is important for the government to regulate ads and ensure they do not negatively impact people's lifeves. Individuals also need to be aware and not easily influenced by advertisements.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the positive and negative aspects of advertising. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, the use of more varied vocabulary, and enhanced transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and adding cohesive devices for better flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of the negative impacts of advertising, such as its effects on mental health or consumer behavior. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For example, using cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' would enhance the connection between points. Additionally, some sentences are slightly awkward, which affects overall clarity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('advertising become' should be 'advertising has become') and incorrect verb forms ('i am use' should be 'I am using'). There are also issues with punctuation and capitalization. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'advertisement' and 'ads') that could be varied. The use of phrases like 'job opportunity' and 'materialistic' shows some range, but more sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, using 'consumerism' instead of 'materialistic' could demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects of advertising, ultimately taking a clear position that it is a negative development. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer explanation of the negative impacts. For instance, elaborating on how advertising affects mental health or consumer behavior could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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