Aging population is a gift to society; however, some people consider it to be a burden on government.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Today, the aging population age is increasing, and it is a great gift for all societies. However, some personsople think that it is a burden on the government. I do not agree with this opinion, and I thbelieve that an aginkg population aging havehas many advantages for society. First of all, older peopleindividuals have a lot of experience and knowledge whichthat they can share with the younger generation. They can teach them important life lessons and help them to avoid mistakes. For example, grandparents often take care of their grandchildren and teach theminstil values such as respect, honesty, and hard work. This helps to create stronger families and communities. Secondly, older peoplecitizens can continue to work and contribute to the economy. Many older persons haveindividuals possess valuable skills and experience whichthat businesses need. They also tend to be more reliable and loyal employees than younger workers, who may change jobs more frequently. Research shows that companies with a diverse workforce, which includes different generations, tend to be more successful. However, it is true that an aging population can place some burdens on the government. For example, the government needs to spend more on healthcare and pensions for elderly people. This can be expensive and may require the government to raise taxes or cut spending in other areas. Additionally, there may be shortages of workers in some sectors if there are not enough young people to replace those who retire. In conclusion, while an aging population presents some challenges for the government, I believe that the benefits outweigh the costs. Older peopleindividuals make valuable contributions to families, communities, and the economy. We should value and support them rather than seeing them as a burden.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of an aging population, presenting both sides of the argument while clearly stating the writer's position that the benefits outweigh the costs. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs focusing on specific points, as well as relevant examples that support the main arguments. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, and the writer demonstrates a good understanding of the topic. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Additionally, the introduction could be more precise, and the conclusion could reiterate the main points more clearly to enhance clarity. Transition phrases could also be improved to create smoother shifts between ideas. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, correcting grammatical errors, and enhancing transitions between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific point. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of older people to the challenges faced by the government could be more clearly signposted to improve the flow of ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I not agree' instead of 'I do not agree' and 'population aging have' instead of 'population aging has.' These errors affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. More attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure would enhance the score.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'older people' and 'burden on government.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, such as 'senior citizens' or 'financial strain on the government.' Additionally, there are minor spelling errors, such as 'goverment' instead of 'government.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of an aging population effectively, presenting both sides of the argument. The writer clearly states their position that the benefits outweigh the costs, which is relevant to the task. However, the introduction could be more precise, and the conclusion could reiterate the main points more clearly to enhance clarity.
7.5

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