AI development in Health Industry
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively discusses both the benefits and concerns associated with AI in the health industry. Key strengths of the essay include a well-structured format with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of relevant vocabulary is appropriate for the subject matter, and the ideas are logically sequenced. Critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling errors, such as 'efficent' (efficient) and 'medecine' (medicine), and enhancing grammatical accuracy by correcting phrases like 'growing very fastly' to 'growing very quickly.' Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and the inclusion of specific examples or data to support claims. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow with better transitions, and enhancing clarity in certain phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific AI technologies currently in use or studies demonstrating their effectiveness, which would strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, but the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For example, transitions between paragraphs could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay. Using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help in linking ideas more effectively.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'growing very fastly' (which should be 'growing very quickly') and 'advantage' (should be 'advantages'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'diagnose,' 'medecine,' and 'analyze' being relevant. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'health industry' and 'AI,' which could be varied to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, there are spelling errors, such as 'efficent' (efficient) and 'medecine' (medicine), which detract from the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The writing addresses the topic of AI development in the health industry and discusses both its potential benefits and concerns. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or data to support the claims made, which would enhance the overall argument. For instance, mentioning specific AI technologies currently in use or studies demonstrating their effectiveness would strengthen the response.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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