Aircrafts are consuming more fuel than cars and creating more pollution. Some say that non-essential use of aircrafts should be banned, like international flights. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that aircrafts are using more fuel than cars and makcausing more pollutions. It is true that international flights should be banned if they are not essential. There are several reasons why I think this way. Firstly, aircrafts are consuminge a lot of fuel when they fly. They need to use a lot of fuel to fly in the sky and travel long distance. This is making a losignificant amount of fuel to travel long distances in the sky. This contributes to a considerable amount of pollution in the air. The pollution is bad fordetrimental to the environment and forto people's health. If we can reduce the number of flights, we can reducdecrease the amount of pollution in the air. Secondly, many people take international flights for leisure and tourism. While tourism is important for the economy, it is not essential for people's daily lives. People can still travel within their own country or take other modes of transportation like trains or buses. Banning non-essential international flights can help to reduce the amount of pollution caused by aircrafts. . However, there are also some arguments against banning international flights. Some people may argue that international flights are important for businesses and global trade. They may say that banning flights will hurt the economy and make it harder for people to doconduct business. While this is a valid concern, I believe that we need to prioritizse the environment and people's health over economic growth. In conclusion, I agree that non-essential international flights should be banned to reduce the amount of pollution caused by aircrafts. While there may be some economic impacts, the benefits to the environment and people's health outweigh the costs. We need to take action to reduce the amount of pollution in the air and protect our planet for future generations.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position on the issue of banning non-essential international flights and develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the environmental impact of aircraft pollution and alternatives to international travel. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and a clear structure with distinct paragraphs. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the use of cohesive devices for better flow, reducing repetition in vocabulary, and correcting grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting 'I am agree' to 'I agree' and 'making more pollutions' to 'causing more pollution,' as well as improving the clarity of some sentences. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or data to strengthen arguments and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and there are clear transitions between them. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow. For instance, using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could enhance the connections between contrasting ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'I am agree' (should be 'I agree') and 'making more pollutions' (should be 'making more pollution'). While the meaning is generally clear, the presence of these errors indicates a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy and range.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of 'pollution' and 'aircrafts.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions, such as 'emissions' or 'aviation.' Additionally, there are minor spelling errors, such as 'aircrafts' (should be 'aircraft') and 'pollutions' (should be 'pollution').
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting a clear position on the issue of banning non-essential international flights. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the environmental impact of aircraft pollution and the alternatives to international travel. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or data to support the claims made.
7.0

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