Airfares are reduced and tourism is increasing.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, airfares are become more and moreing increasingly cheaper. Because of this, the number of tourists areis increasing. I think this is a positive development for several reasons. Firstly, when airfares are reduced, more people can afford to travel by plane. In the past, only rich peoplewealthy individuals could fly to other countries for holidays. ButHowever, now, even middle-class families can buypurchase plane tickets and go abroad. This means that the tourism industry will grow and create more jobs for local people. For example, hotels, restaurants, and shops will need more staff to serve the increasing number of tourists. Secondly, increasing tourism can help to boost the economy of a country. When tourists comarrive, they will spend money on accommodation, food, transportation, and souvenirs. This will bring more income to local businesses and the government. The money can be used to improve infrastructure and public services, which will benefit both tourists and local residents. For instance, the government can use the moneyfunds to build new roads, airports, and hospitals. In conclusion, I believe that reduced airfares and increasing tourism is a goodrepresent a positive trend. ItThey can create more employment opportunities and stimulate economic growth. Therefore, the government should encourage this trend by providing more support to the tourism industry.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear opinion on the topic and relevant supporting details. The structure is generally logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices. The introduction could be enhanced by explicitly stating the main points that will be discussed, and transitions between ideas could be smoother with the use of phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition.' Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the flow of ideas, and enhancing vocabulary variety. For further improvements, the writer could expand on specific examples or statistics related to job creation and economic impact, as well as incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each main point. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences feel slightly disjointed. Using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'airfares become more and more cheaper' (should be 'are becoming cheaper') and 'number of tourists are increasing' (should be 'the number of tourists is increasing'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. A greater variety of sentence structures would also enhance the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'tourism' and 'government.' Additionally, phrases like 'more and more cheaper' should be corrected to 'increasingly cheaper' for accuracy. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the topic of reduced airfares and increasing tourism, presenting a clear opinion that this is a positive development. However, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach, such as explicitly stating the main points in the introduction and ensuring that all arguments are fully developed. For example, the mention of job creation could be expanded with specific examples or statistics.
7.0

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