All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I amdo not agreeing that all cars that using the fossil fuels needed to be banninged and replace them tod with electric cars only. There are many reasons why I am thinking this, but mainly because it's un is impractical for the current time we live in now. Firstly, the electric car iss are still a new technologicy and isare not available for most people due theo their expensive price. Many persons areindividuals cannot afford to buy one and need the cheaper fossil fuel cars to transport where they need go, like forthemselves to work and school. So ifTherefore, banning the fossil fuel cars it could make it very hard tofor them to travel and could eaffecting their lifeves very badly. Alsonegatively. Additionally, the infrastructure for the electrical cars is not well established yet in many places. There isare not enough charging stations in most cityies and countrysides,; only in some big cities you cancan you find them easily. ButIn contrast, fossil fuel gas stations are everywhere and easy to access, so banning these types of cars will be problematical for society as most areas don' not have a good system for electric cars set up yet. Another point is that electric cars also are havinghave some negatives impact tos on the environment as well. The process of manufacteuring batteries for these cars is very pollutiong and uses a lot of rare metals that need to be mined in unsustainable ways. The disposeal of old batteryies is also a big problem that not solved yet. Andhas not been solved yet. Furthermore, the electricity that charges them areis often generated from unclean energy sources like coal in some countryies, which is no better thean burning gasoline. In conclusion, for now, I am strongly believe it would be a mistake to completely ban the fossil fuel cars, even though iI agree we should reduce usingour usage of them. The technology forto replace them is not ready yet and could causinge many issues for normal people's daily lifves. Instead, governments should slowly encourage the adoptingon of electric vehicles while still allowing gas-powered cars until the system and prices are better prepared for a fully switch over. This will becreate a much smoother transition that is more fairer for everyone in society.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position against the complete ban of fossil fuel cars and provides several reasons to support this stance, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the conclusion could be clearer. The structure has been improved by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details, enhancing coherence and cohesion. Transition phrases have been added to improve the flow between ideas. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present in the original essay. The vocabulary used has been enhanced to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing, but there is still room for a wider range of vocabulary. Further improvements could include providing specific examples or statistics to support the arguments made, as well as proofreading for grammatical accuracy to reduce errors. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reasoned approach throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each main point. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow. For instance, phrases like 'the electric car is still new technologic' could be rephrased for clarity. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the coherence of the argument.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'many persons are cannot afford' and 'the dispose of old battery is also big problem.' These errors detract from the overall clarity of the writing. While there is some variety in sentence structure, the frequent mistakes indicate a need for improvement. To enhance this aspect, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and practicing complex sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'the electric cars also are having some negatives impact.' The use of terms like 'unpractical' and 'problematic' is commendable, but the writer could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more precise language to convey their ideas more effectively.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against the complete ban of fossil fuel cars and provides several reasons to support this stance. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer conclusion. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the points made, such as providing statistics on electric car affordability or discussing specific regions where infrastructure is lacking.
6.0

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