An experience in life when you felt alone.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

It was a cold wintry day in dDecember,; I was walking along odown the road. I remember this day because it made me feel so sad and lonely. The road was empty,; there were no people and not even noany animals on it. I was the only one in the whole area. I had just moved to a new city for my studies two months before. It was hard for me to addapt and find new friends because imI am a shy person. Local people were not very friendly and open to me, maybe because I was a foreigner. So when iI took that walk on this day, I realizsed that how alone I felt in this new place surrounded by unfamiliar people and things. That feeling of lonelyiness made me overthink everything. I started to doubt my decision tof coming toe and study here. I startedbegan to miss my family and freiends back home a lot. For a moment, I even thought about giving up and returning backhome. But then I remembered my parents' words before I left. They sayid that I need to be strong and not give upp easily. They believed in me, and I didn't wanted to disappoint them. So iI decided to continue and try harder to overcome my loneliness and shyness. That day teachedaught me that feeling alone is okeay sometimes. It is a part of life; we all feel it inat some moments. ButHowever, we should not let it stop us from chasing our dreams. We need to find strength in ourselfves to carry on and believe that better days will come.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively conveys a personal experience of loneliness, which is a key strength. The writer's emotional journey is relatable, and the narrative structure is clear. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in spelling, grammar, and coherence. The original essay contained numerous spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that detracted from the overall quality. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing sentence structure. Additionally, transitions between ideas have been smoothed out to improve coherence. Suggestions for further improvement include expanding on the emotional reflections and providing more specific details about the experience to deepen the narrative. The tone used is appropriate for a personal reflection, maintaining a balance between vulnerability and resilience.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Some sentences feel abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could help connect thoughts more effectively. Improving the overall structure would enhance clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure (e.g., 'I was walking along on the road' could be simplified to 'I was walking down the road'). While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the writing.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'december', 'emty', 'addapt', 'frendly', 'peple', 'lonelyness', 'disapoint', 'shold', 'drems') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by describing a personal experience of feeling alone. However, it lacks depth in exploring the emotions and reflections associated with this experience. To improve, the writer could provide more specific details about the feelings and thoughts during that time, as well as how the experience influenced their perspective on loneliness.
6.0

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