An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In many poor countryies, professionals like docterors and teachers are leaving to going work in rich countryies more and more. This phenemonen isomenon causes numerous problems for society. I will disscuss some of the main problems this causes and give some ideas to solve this isusue. Firstly, when many doctors and teachers go to abroad, it make bigcreates significant problaems for the education and healthcare systems in theyir home countryies. For example, if too many doctors leave, thaen there isare not enough docteors to treat all the sick peeople. This means peeople will not havinge access to the medical care that they need. Alsodditionally, if a lot of teachers go overseas, thaen the quality of edducation will decreease. The schools will have difficulity to finding enough good teachers, so the standereard of teaching goes down. Overall, this brain drain haves a very negative inmpact on the key services like healthcare and education in poor country.ies. Secondly, these problems damage the economy and development of the poorer nations in the long term. For instansce, with low-quality schools and not enough doctors, the population will be less healthy and not havelack good skills. This mean ins that in the future, the workforce will be weeaker and less able to contribute to the econeomy. As a result, the country may strugglinge to develeop and progress. In conclusion, the departure of these professionals is like a bsignificant obsteacle to the growth of the developing country. So, to dealies. To address these issues, I beleieve governmaents should take some steps. One solution is to increase the salaryies of doctor,s and teachers in poor countryies. If theyir pay is better, thaen they will have more motivation to stay in theyir home countryies. Another idea is to create some rules or laws to makhat require doctors and teacher haves to work in theyir own countryies for a certain number of years before they can go to other countryies. This would help ensureing that there are enougth professionals in the country. Governmaents should also spend more money on education and healthcare services to mak it betterimprove them, so that the professionals will want to stay. In conclusion, the increasing movement of doctor,s and teachers to developed countryies causes many problems for poorer country, likeies, such as damaging healthcare, education, and the economy. However, if the government takes appropriate action to makcreate better conditions and opportunityies for these professionals, than it can help to solve these ishsues.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by addressing the problems caused by the emigration of professionals from poorer countries and suggesting potential solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a relevant topic focus throughout. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas. The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms, which hinder clarity. Additionally, spelling mistakes and repetitive phrases detract from the overall quality of the writing. The writer could enhance the essay by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the solutions with clearer reasoning. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and expanding on the examples provided to strengthen the argument. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout. Overall, with focused revisions, the essay could achieve a higher score in all assessment criteria.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied and effective. To enhance coherence, the writer should focus on clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'are leaving to going work', 'it make big problams'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. While there are some attempts at complex sentences, the overall grammatical range is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on correcting basic grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'countrys', 'docter', 'phenomenon', 'peeple') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'doctor and teacher'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling, which would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems caused by professionals leaving poorer countries and suggesting solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several inaccuracies in the examples provided. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the solutions with clearer reasoning.
5.0

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