An Opinion about social media weakened or strengthened social connections

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, social media has become very important for many people's lifeves. It allows us to connect with friends and family all around the world very easily. ButHowever, some people argue that it actually makes our social connections weaker, not stronger. In this eassay, I will discuss my opinion on this issue. On the one hand, social media definitely haves some benefits for social connections. For example, it allows us to keep in touch with people who live far away from us, likesuch as relatives in other countryies or old friends who have moved to a different city. In the past, it was very difficult to maintain these long-distance relationships, but now, with social media, we can chat, share photos, and keep updated on each other's lives very conveniently. SAdditionally, social media also makes it easier to meet new people who share similar interests or hobbies, and forming new social connections in that way. However, there are also some downsides to social media when it comes to social connections. One problem is that people may start relying too much on online interaction and neglect the importance of face-to-face communication. For instantce, instead of meeting up with friends in person, some people just send messages or post on social media. This can make the friendships feel less genuinely and meaningful over time. AdditionallyFurthermore, social media can be addictive and cause people to spentd too much time scrolling through feeds instead of engaging in real-life social activities and building strong bonds with others. In conclusion, I believe that social media can have both positive orand negative impacts on social connections, depending on how it is used. While it is a great tools for staying connected with others, especially over long distances, we should be careful not to let it replace in-person interaction and relationship building. The key is to use social media in a balanced and healthy way, so that it strengthens our social connections instead of weakening them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of social media's impact on social connections and presents a clear opinion. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary precision, and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing vocabulary, and improving transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples or statistics to support claims and varying the vocabulary further to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'However' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow. Improving the use of cohesive devices would strengthen the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('social media definitely have' should be 'social media definitely has') and incorrect verb forms ('allow' should be 'allows'). There are also awkward constructions that affect clarity, such as 'make the friendship feel less genuinely.' While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors detract from the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'very easy' instead of 'very easily' and 'instant' instead of 'instance.' The writer uses some varied vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of sophistication and precision. To enhance this score, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetitive phrases.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of social media's impact on social connections and presents a clear opinion. However, it lacks depth in discussing the arguments and could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the benefits and drawbacks with more detailed examples or statistics.
6.5

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