Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of working and studying from home, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas could be improved with more specific examples and strategies to support the arguments made. The coherence and cohesion of the essay could be enhanced by using more transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly. Additionally, there were several spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from the overall quality, indicating a need for greater attention to detail in these areas. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout. For further improvements, the writer could focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring accuracy in spelling and grammar. Including specific examples or case studies to illustrate points would also strengthen the argument and provide a more thorough analysis.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the transitions between ideas could be improved. Some sentences feel abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'in addition' could help to better link ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are multiple errors in verb forms and sentence structure (e.g., 'this trend of work and study from home have', 'it allow people', 'when your not in the same physical space'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence construction.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'belive', 'flexiblity', 'dificult', 'personel', 'finaly', 'shuld', 'oportunities') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring accuracy in spelling and word choice.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects of working and studying from home. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the points made. For instance, mentioning specific strategies companies or schools could implement to support remote work would enhance the argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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