"Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing."

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In thisese days, there is muchare many people who leave from villages and moving ine to cities. This trend has increased a lot thissignificantly in recent years and it's affecting the countrysides, where less and less persons lives therfewer and fewer people live. This essay will discuss about this topic and provides some reasons and examples of this phenomena.on. First of all, one of the main reasons why lots ofmany people moves to big towns is becausethat there isare more opportunityies to find a job. In fact, in big cities, there are muchany more factories, shops, and offices than in small villages. For example, if someone wants to works in a bank or in a biga large company, they needs to go to cities because there aren' not thisese kinds of jobs in rural areas. Another reason is that in cities there areoffer better services and facilities compared to the countryside. For examplinstance, in cities, there are biglarge hospitals with many doctors and modern equipment, while in villages there might be only a small clinic with few doctors. Also, in cities there ardditionally, cities have universities and schools that offers a higher level of education than those in rural areas. In conclusion, many people prefer moving to urban areas instead of staying in villages because there are more job opportunities and better services. However, this trend is causing a decrease ofin population in the countrysides, which might lead to some problems likesuch as abandoned lands and houses. MaybPerhaps the government should invests more in rural areas to make them more attractive for people to stay there.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic of rural to urban migration and provides relevant reasons for this trend. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs and a clear introduction and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as the need for a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence by rephrasing awkward sentences, and ensuring proper use of singular and plural forms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential consequences of rural depopulation. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For instance, 'this trend has increased a lot this years' could be rephrased for better coherence. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall fluency.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('lots of people moves'), incorrect verb forms ('want to works'), and awkward phrasing. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'much people' instead of 'many people' and 'this kind of jobs' instead of 'this kind of job'. To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of rural to urban migration and provides reasons for this trend. However, it lacks depth in discussing the implications of this phenomenon and does not fully develop the conclusion. To improve, the writer could include more specific examples and elaborate on the potential consequences of rural depopulation.
6.0

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