Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is true that art has played an important role in the culture of every country in allaround the world. However, in recent years, it seems that people are becomeing less interested in art and more focused on other areas such as science, technology, and business. There are several reasons why I think this trend is occurring, and some steps that could be taken to reverse it. One of the main reasons for the decline in interest in the arts is due to the increasing emphasis on subjects such as science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) in education. Many students feel pressure to choose these subjects in order to secure a good job in the future, and as a result, they may neglect the arts. For instance, schools often prioritise STEM programs, leaving little room for creative subjects. Another reason is that in today's fast-paced world, people often don't have the time or energy to appreciate art. With busy work schedules and family obligations, many peopleindividuals may feel that they don't have time to visit museums or attend cultural events. This lack of engagement can lead to a further decline in interest in the arts. Despite these challenges, iI believe that there are several things that could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the arts. One approach could be to increase funding for art education in schools, so that students have more opportunities to explore their creativity. Additionally, museums and cultural institutions could do more abouto reach out to communities and make their programs more accessible and engaging for a wider range of people. This could include offering free admission days, hosting family-friendly events, or partnering with schools and community organizations. In conclusion, while it is true that interest in the arts has declined in recent years, I believe that by taking steps to promote art education and make the arts more accessible, we can help to reverse this trend and ensure that the arts continue to play a vital role in our culture for generations to come.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the decline in interest in the arts and suggesting measures to encourage appreciation. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant points made about the challenges facing the arts. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples, improving coherence through smoother transitions, and correcting grammatical errors. Structural changes made include correcting verb forms and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement, as well as adding specific examples to strengthen arguments. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions related to the arts, as well as varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing reasons for the decline to suggesting solutions could be more clearly articulated. Using cohesive devices more effectively would improve the overall clarity.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('art has play'), incorrect verb forms ('are become'), and punctuation mistakes. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the professionalism of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited, with some repetition of words like 'art' and 'interest.' There are also minor errors in word forms, such as 'focuse' instead of 'focus' and 'play' instead of 'played.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions related to the arts.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the decline in interest in the arts and suggesting measures to encourage appreciation. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mentioning specific art programs or initiatives that have been successful could enhance the response.
7.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?