Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that a big salary is more important thean job satisfaction. First of all, if we have a high salary, we can buy more things that we want. For example, we can buypurchase a big house, an expensive car, or travel around the world. This will make us more happyier and more satisfyied with our life.ves. Secondly, job satisfaction is not always gauaranteed. Even if we like our job at first, after some time we may get bored or tired of it. But ifHowever, if the salary is high, we will still be motivated to work hard and do our best. Thirdly, with a big salary, we can take better care of our familys betteries. We can provide them with good education, healthcare, and other neccessities. This will make us feel proud and fullfilled as a breadwinners. In conclusion i, I strongly agree that a big salariey is much more important thean job satisfaction. It brings us financial stabilitiey, motivation, and the abilitiey to take care of our loved ones, which are keys to a happy and satisfiying life.
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Expert Feedback

Key strengths of the essay include a clear position on the topic and a logical structure with distinct paragraphs. The arguments presented are relevant and support the main thesis. Critical areas for improvement include the development of arguments with more specific examples and smoother transitions between ideas. The essay also contained several spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from its overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structure, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Additionally, spelling errors were corrected to improve clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding the vocabulary range and incorporating more complex sentence structures to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. The tone used in the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better use of cohesive devices. For example, using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could enhance the connection between ideas. Some sentences feel abrupt and could benefit from smoother transitions.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are noticeable errors in sentence structure and verb forms (e.g., 'I am agree' should be 'I agree', 'we will still motivate' should be 'we will still be motivated'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. More complex sentence structures could be employed to enhance the writing, and attention to subject-verb agreement is needed.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'satisfyed', 'familys', 'neccessities', 'stabilitie', 'abilitie', 'salarie') that detract from the overall quality. While there are attempts to use varied vocabulary, the repetition of phrases like 'big salary' and 'job satisfaction' indicates a limited range. Expanding vocabulary and correcting spelling errors would improve this score.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that a big salary is more important than job satisfaction. However, the arguments could be more developed with additional examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific scenarios where a high salary outweighs job satisfaction would strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
6.0

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