"By investing in tourism we can earn a lot of revenue and growth in national economy. At the same time it destroys the local culture. What is your opinion?" Give your opinion in no less than 250 words.

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, many countries invest a lot of money toin the tourism sector, to earn revenues and for grow the economy. With this investment often comes effects ton the culture in places where tourism becomes a larger part of life. In my opinion, tourism can have many positive benefits but must be managed carefully to notavoid destroying local culture and practices. On one hand, tourism can bring many economic benefits to a country. It can create manynumerous jobs for local people, in hotels, transportation, tour companyies, and other services. This means more money flows into the economy, and peoples have more work. Also, opportunities. Additionally, the government getreceives more tax money, thatrevenue, which can be spent on thingessential services like schools, roads, and healthcare. SoTherefore, tourism is a good way for developing countryies to earn more and improve life of citizens. But thethe lives of their citizens. However, there are also negatives apspects of tourism on culture, if it is not done properly. When tourists visiting small villages and places, they bring theyir own ways of doing things. Local people, especially young peopleindividuals, may start to copyimitate tourists, and slowly local traditions can become lost. AlsoFurthermore, if too many tourists come to the same place, it can become crowded and noisy, and may loseleading to a loss of its special identity. For example, a beautiful beach that used to be quiet and peaceful is now is full of hotels and many people. It is not the same anymore. To prevent negative inmpacts on culture, i thinkI believe governments must plan tourism development carefully. They must think aboutshould consider how many tourists an area can handle, and not allow too many hotels or other buildings to be builtconstructed. They must also work to educate both local peoples and tourists, to respect and preserve the unique culture. In this way, the economic benefits of tourism can be achieve,d without destroying what makes a place special. In conclusion, iI believe that investing toin tourism is a good way for countries to grow their economyies and create work. Butjobs. However, it must be done with care and planning, to ensure that local culture and traditions are not lost in the process. Only then can tourism truely benefit all involved.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the economic benefits and cultural impacts of tourism. Key strengths include a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different ideas and a clear position on the issue. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples, improving coherence with smoother transitions, and addressing grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the flow between paragraphs. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more concrete examples of successful tourism management and varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for different ideas. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more varied linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'it not done properly', 'is not same anymore'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy, possibly by proofreading their work.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'tourism', 'local culture') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'contry' instead of 'country', 'goverment' instead of 'government'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors to enhance clarity and sophistication.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the economic benefits of tourism and its potential negative impact on local culture. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer position. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the consequences of cultural loss and provide more concrete examples of successful tourism management.
6.5

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