Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I strongly agree with the idea that sports classes should be mandatory in schools because children nowadays spend less time doing physical activities. In this essay, I will explain my reasons and share some examples from my experience. First of all, when I was a young student, I remember how we always played outside after school with friends. But now, the situation is completely different. Many children prefer staying at home and playing video games or watching videos on their phones. This makes them very inactive, and I think it is not good for their health. In my country, doctors say that more young people have problems with their weight than before. Another important point is that sports lessons in school help students to learn about teamwork and make new friends. From my experience as a student, I can say that during sports classes, we learned how to work together to win games. Also, when we played basketball or football, we had to communicate a lot with other students, which helped us to improve our social skills. These skills are very important for future life. Furthermore, regular exercise at school can help students to concentrate better in other subjects. I remember when we had sports class in the morning, I felt more energetic and could focus better in mathematics and science lessons that came after. This is because physical activity makes our brains work better, as my biology teacher always told us. However, some people might sayargue that students already have too many subjects to study. But I thinkNevertheless, I believe health is the most important thing, and without good health, students cannot study well. Alsodditionally, sports classes don't need to be very long - even 45 minutes three times per week can make a big difference. In conclusion, I strongly believe that making sports lessons compulsory in schools is a very necessary step. This will help solve the problem of an inactive lifestyle among young people and givprovide them with many benefits for their health and social development. Schools must take responsibility to ensure students get enough physical activity during their education.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position in favour of compulsory sports lessons in schools. Key strengths include relevant arguments supported by personal experiences, which enhance the response. However, critical areas for improvement include a more balanced discussion that acknowledges counterarguments in greater depth, as well as smoother transitions between points. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing clarity, and improving the overall flow of ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more sophisticated phrases to elevate the tone. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point, and there are some cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, transitions between some points could be smoother, and the overall structure could be improved by clearly delineating the counterargument section.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'when I was young student' (should be 'a young student') and 'this make them very inactive' (should be 'makes'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to showcase a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'mandatory', 'inactive', and 'social skills' demonstrating a good range. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'students' and 'sports classes', which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases could be more sophisticated to elevate the overall tone.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position in favor of compulsory sports lessons in schools. The arguments are relevant and supported by personal experiences, which enhances the response. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by acknowledging counterarguments in greater depth, which would strengthen the overall argument.
7.5

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