Companies now make computer games designed to help very young children learn. The games are advertised for use by children aged 2 to 8 years and often involve basic math and reading skills, presented in a fun, game-like style. Some people say that this results in children spending too much time looking at computer screens. Do you think it's a good idea for very young children to play educational computer games? Why or why not?

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, technology is everywhere. E, even for the very small kids toochildren. Companies are creating educational computer games, which aims to teach children fromas young as 2 years old with basic math and reading skills. These games are advertizsed foras being both fun and learn ateducational at the same time. However, some peoples are worried about ithis trend. They says that it makes children look at screens for too long. S, staring at computers all the day. Children should be playing outside instead, running around and making new friends. Not, rather than getting addicted forto video games at such smalla young age. In my opinion, educational computer games are okayacceptable, but only in small amounts. For example, one hour per day would be reasonable. Companyies should puimplement time limits within the game. Sos to ensure children do not spending too many hours playing ithem. Parents also need to control usage for their childrens. The games itselfthemselves can be benefit,cial because ithey teach maths and reading in an interesting way for kids. ItThey can help themchildren get a head start before primary school. But, but this should be in moderation only. Children still must go outside and interact with the real world. Or el; otherwise, they will have trouble communicating with another people. In conclusion, iI believe educational game iss are fine, but only little bit perin limited amounts each day. Children need to learn from computers, but more importantly, they need to socialize and be active. MA moderate use of technology combined with lotsplenty of outdoor play is the best approach for young children's development.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of educational computer games for young children, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and refining awkward phrasing to enhance clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims and expanding the vocabulary range to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the flow could be improved. For instance, the shift from discussing concerns about screen time to the benefits of educational games could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('companies are creating educational computer games, which aims') and incorrect verb forms ('they says'). Additionally, there are awkward constructions, such as 'staring at computer all the day.' While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'the very small kids' and 'making new friends.' The use of terms like 'addicted for video games' is incorrect; it should be 'addicted to video games.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to convey ideas more effectively.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of educational computer games for young children. However, it lacks depth in exploring the implications of excessive screen time and could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. To improve, the writer could include statistics or studies that highlight the impact of screen time on child development.
6.5

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