"Comparing the number and modes to travel to and from school in 1990 and 2010"

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Schooling transport have bigunderwent significant changes between 1990 and 2010. The two years hasshow differences forin the countsnumber of students goattending school, and how they getting to school. there. First, the quantity of kidschildren in school becomes more onincreased by 2010. Schools size are increass expanded, and more childs aren were arriving at school every day. In the 1990s, familys was having lessies had fewer children, so not as many go to class. But inattended classes. However, by 2010 the, birth rates goes up sohad risen, leading to a higher student counts is higher. More students meant more transport was needed. Second, the types of transport to school is differentused to get to school changed. In 1990, many students walked to school or took the buses. Not so much parents was driving, and not many parents drove them. InBy 2010, it isbecame common for students to be drivedn to school by they're mom and dadir parents. Walking bdecomes less becausereased as parents worry foried about safety. School bus aes were still used but not as often likefrequently as in 1990. To In conclusion, both amountthe number of students and the ways they get to school is changed a lotsignificantly from 1990 untilto 2010. More students needrequired transportation in 2010. LessFewer took the bus andor walked, more got takwhile more were driven by car to school in 2010 comparinged to 1990. This shows how school transport can becoming differentchange over the time.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, effectively comparing the number of students and modes of transport between 1990 and 2010. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for specific data to support claims, smoother transitions between ideas, and greater grammatical accuracy. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary choices, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific statistics or percentages regarding student numbers and transport modes. The tone used is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'in addition' or 'furthermore' could help link ideas more effectively. Improving the logical progression of ideas would enhance coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('has differences' should be 'have differences'), incorrect verb forms ('becomes' should be 'became'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'students' and 'school'). Some word choices are incorrect or awkward, such as 'childs' instead of 'children' and 'drived' instead of 'driven.' To improve, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage.
5.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by comparing the number and modes of travel to school in 1990 and 2010. However, it lacks specific data or figures to support the claims made, which would enhance the analysis. To improve, the writer could include specific statistics or percentages regarding the number of students and modes of transport.
5.0

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