Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some personsople think that forto getting the best job, you must complete thea university educate. But other peoples say gettion. However, others say that gaining experience and growdeveloping soft skills is more important for securing the best job. I will discuss both thisof these views here. F The first view is that a university education is most important. This is because when you go theattend university, you learning many things about the subject you study. For example, if you study engineering, then you learn all about engineering topic likes, such as how to build bridges or makcreate machines. SoTherefore, when you graduate, you have much knowledge for the job already. Alsoalready possess a significant amount of knowledge relevant to the job. Additionally, many jobs require thea university degree, so if you don not have thenone, you cannot even apply. However On the other hand, other opposing view is that experience and soft skill is betters are more valuable than a university educate. They sayion. Proponents of this perspective argue that even if you have a degree, but nowithout experience then, it is very hard to get job. Because csecure a job. Companyies want someone who knows how to doperform the work already, not just someone who has studyied in a classroom. AlsoFurthermore, soft skills are very important for job, like how to talk with other person, how tocrucial for job success, such as how to communicate with others, manage time, how toand solve problems. Thisese skill you donts are not typically learned in university, onl; they can learn by doing actual work.only be acquired through actual work experience. In my opinion, I think both a university educateion and experience with soft skills are important for getting best job. Because if you have degree, it show you have knowledge and can learn difficult thing. But also need experienceobtaining the best job. A degree demonstrates that you have knowledge and can learn complex concepts. However, experience is necessary to show that you can apply what learn toyou have learned in the real world, and soft skill to show you cans are essential for effective communicateion and work with other people. Socollaboration with others. Therefore, I believe the best is to have balance of both, not justapproach is to achieve a balance of both, rather than focusing solely on one or the other.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear discussion of both views regarding the importance of university education versus experience and soft skills. Key strengths include a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a clear opinion stated in the conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical resource. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions, and using more formal language. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples to support arguments and enhancing the variety of vocabulary used. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. To improve coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms and sentence structures (e.g., 'you must complete the university educate', 'this skill you dont learn in university'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'best job', 'university educate') and some informal language (e.g., 'u' instead of 'you'). To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and avoid informal expressions, opting for more formal alternatives.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the importance of university education versus experience and soft skills. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more clearly articulated. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made, ensuring a clearer position is presented.
5.0

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