Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In lasrecent years, the world has become more similar because products havare the same in all countries. ItThis happens because globalization makes the world smaller and peoples can buy what they want in every country. I think this is a positive development for many reasons. First, when people buy sameimilar products everywhere, the quality of life increases. For example, if I travel to another country and I can find my favourite food or clothes, I feel more likeat home. Alsodditionally, if products are same, they havuniform, they tend to have the same quality, so people in poorer countries can access to good products too. This helps to make the world more fair. fairer. Second, similar products in all worldacross the globe help the economy. Companies can sell their products in more countries and this make, which allows them to grow. If they grow, they can givprovide more workjobs to people. AlsoFurthermore, if there are sameuniform products, countries can commerctrade between them more easierly. This is good forbeneficial for the global economy. In conclusion, I believe that countries more similar because same productthe increasing similarity of products across countries is a positive development. It improves the quality of life ofor people and supports thelp economy. Governments should makeenact laws for helpto facilitate this process, like lowsuch as lowering taxes foron foreign products. Only with globalization we can we make the world a better place.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion that the similarity of products across countries is a positive development, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in developing the main ideas and could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration. The flow of ideas has been improved with better transitions and linking phrases, enhancing coherence. The vocabulary has been varied to avoid repetition, and grammatical errors have been corrected to improve accuracy. Critical areas for improvement include providing more specific examples of products or industries that have thrived due to globalization, which would strengthen the argument further. Additionally, the writer could work on expanding their lexical resource by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout. Overall, the essay has been improved to better meet IELTS standards, but further elaboration and vocabulary enhancement would be beneficial for achieving a higher score.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better transitions and linking phrases. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. The repetition of phrases like 'same products' also detracts from cohesion.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'world become' instead of 'world has become' and 'this help' instead of 'this helps.' There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. While the meaning is generally clear, the presence of these errors affects the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive, with phrases like 'same products' appearing multiple times. While there are some appropriate terms, such as 'globalization' and 'quality of life,' the overall range of vocabulary is not sufficient for a higher score. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions, such as 'similar goods' or 'uniform products.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that the similarity of products across countries is a positive development. However, it lacks depth in developing the main ideas and could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration. For instance, discussing specific products or industries that have thrived due to globalization would strengthen the argument.
6.0

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