Describe a trip you were looking forward to but was delayed. You should say: where you planned to go why you wanted to go there what caused the delay and explain how you felt about the delay

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I want to tell you about my trip to Japan that, which I was very excited about but unfortunately got delayed last year. It was going to be my first time traveling to Asia, and I had been dreaming about visiting Tokyo since I was a small child watching anime. The main reason I wanted goingto go there was because of my bistrong interest in Japanese culture. I have studied the Japanese language for three years already, and I really wanted to practice it with local people. Alsodditionally, I was very excited to see famous places like Mount Fuji and oldancient temples that I had only saween in pictures before. But then However, just two weeks before my flight, there was a problem with my visa application. The embassy said they needed more documents to prove my student status, and getting these papers from my university took much longer time than I expected. Because of this delay, I had to change all my bookings and wait three more months until I could finally go. At first, I felt really disappointed and sad about this situation. I had spent so much time planning everything perfectly, and now all my plans were destroyed. However, after some time, I started thinking in a different way - —maybe it was actually a good thing because I could save more money and plan an even better trip. Sometimes bad things happen, but we must try to see good sidethe positive aspects of them. When I finally went to Japan three months later, I enjoyed it even more because I had time to learn more about the places I wanted to visit. So maybe this delay was not such a bad thing after all, even though it made me feel very sad at first time.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by detailing the planned trip to Japan, the reasons for wanting to go, the cause of the delay, and the emotional response to the situation. Key strengths include a clear narrative and a personal touch that engages the reader. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in verb forms and article usage, as well as enhancing cohesion with better transitions between ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving the clarity of sentences, and adding transitions for better flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of Japanese culture that excited the writer and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for a personal narrative, maintaining a conversational yet reflective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay generally flows well, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions could be improved for better cohesion. For example, the shift from discussing the delay to the emotional response could be more clearly signposted. Using cohesive devices such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the clarity of connections between ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I wanted going there' (should be 'I wanted to go there') and 'there was problem' (should be 'there was a problem'). These errors affect the overall clarity. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning, with some good expressions like 'big interest in Japanese culture' and 'old temples.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'delay' and 'trip,' which could be varied with synonyms. Additionally, phrases like 'good side of them' could be expressed more formally, such as 'positive aspects of the situation.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by describing the planned trip to Japan, the reasons for wanting to go, the cause of the delay, and the emotional response to the situation. However, it could benefit from more detailed examples and a clearer structure in the explanation of feelings regarding the delay. For instance, elaborating on specific aspects of Japanese culture that excited the writer would enhance the response.
7.5

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