Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In nowtoday's world, it ihas become more and more populare to be inot active, even though there are many fitness centeres available for people. This essay will discuss the issues related to this trend and suggest some ways to solvinge them. Firstly, one of the biggest problems with sedentary lifestyles is that ithey can lead to various health problemissues. When people spend too much time sitting and not moving their bodies, they are at a higher risk of obesity, heart disease, and other chronic conditions. For example, studies have shown that peopleindividuals who sit for long periods of time are more likely to develope diabetes and have a shorter lifespan overall. Another issue with this trend is that it can have a negative impact on mental health. Exercise is known to releasinge endorphins and improvinge mood, so people who don't engage in regular physical activities may be more prone to depression and anxiety. Additionally, spending too much time indoors can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can further exacerbate mental health issues. This connection between physical inactivity and mental health is crucial to understand, as both aspects are interrelated. To address these problems, there are several solutions that can be implemented. One option is to promote the benefits of regular exercise and encourage people to make it a priority in theyir daily lives. This could involve launching public health campaigns that highlight the positive impacts of physical activity on both physical and mental well-being. Another solution is to make gyms and fitness centeres more accessible and affordable for everyone. This could include offering discounted memberships or subsidies for low-income individuals, as well as increasing the number of community-based fitness programmes. By making it easier for people to access these recsources, we can help them to incorporate exercise into their daily routines more easiffectively. In conclusion, the rise of sedentary lifestyles is a worrying trend that can have serious consequences for both physical and mental health. However, by promoting the importance of regular exercise and making fitness resources more widely available, we can help to mitigate these problems and encourage people to lead more active and healthy lives.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing the problems associated with sedentary lifestyles and suggesting relevant solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include correcting spelling and grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with smoother transitions, and providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, correcting grammatical errors, and improving transitions between paragraphs. Further improvements could involve expanding on specific examples or statistics related to health issues and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the health problems and mental health issues could be more explicitly linked. To improve, the writer could use more varied cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors (e.g., 'it is become', 'one of biggest problem', 'negative impact', 'releasing endorphins', 'the number of community-based fitness programms') that affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on correcting these errors and varying sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'nowdays', 'populare', 'siting', 'cronic', 'develope', 'they', 'programms', 'recources') that detract from the overall quality. The writer does use some relevant terms related to health and fitness, but a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices would enhance the essay.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems associated with sedentary lifestyles and suggesting relevant solutions. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the position could be more explicitly stated. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their arguments.
7.0

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