Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business from scratch versus acquiring an existing business. Share your perspective and provide reasons to support your viewpoint.
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business from scratch versus acquiring an existing one. It presents a clear position favoring starting from scratch, supported by relevant reasons. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and specific examples could enhance clarity and depth. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with clear paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic. The writer demonstrates an understanding of the subject matter and presents a coherent argument. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as several errors were present, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. Additionally, the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures would elevate the writing. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and enhancing clarity by breaking down lengthy sentences. Transition phrases like 'on the other hand' and 'in my opinion' were added to improve coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples to illustrate points and using more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay generally follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic. However, the transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. For instance, using more cohesive devices like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the connection between points. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down for clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('are you has'), incorrect verb forms ('purchas' instead of 'purchase'), and awkward constructions ('can be challenge'). While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some attempts at varied language. However, there are several instances of repetitive phrases, such as 'starting business' and 'acquiring business.' More sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could elevate the writing. For example, instead of 'starting business from scratch,' phrases like 'launching a new venture' could be used.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business from scratch versus acquiring an existing one. It presents a clear position favoring starting from scratch, supported by relevant reasons. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and some points could benefit from specific examples to enhance clarity and depth.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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