Discuss the following view: Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. Write at least 250 words.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, many young people are facing problems with their moneyfinances because they don't know how to manage ithem properly. I strongly believe that schools must teach financial education to all students because it will help them in their future life.ves. First of all, when I was a student in school, we learned many subjects like mathematics and science, but nobody taught us about managing money. This made me feel very confused when I started working and gettreceiving a salary. Many of my friends also had the same problem,; they didn't know what to do with the money they earned. If we had learned about finance in school, maybe we could have saved more money and makde better choices. Moreover, I think children these days are spending too much money on things they don't need. They buy expensive phones and clothes because they see other people buying them. ButHowever, they don't understand aboutthe importance of saving money or making goosound financial decisions. When schools teach financial education, students will learn important thingessential skills like how to makecreate a budget and why saving money is goodbeneficial for the future. Another reason why financial education is important is becausethat life is getting morebecoming increasingly expensive. In my country, the prices of everything are going uprising, and people need to be smart with their moneyfinances. If students learn about money management early, they will know how to live better when they grow up. They will understand about thingconcepts like loans and credit cards, which can be dangerous if you don't know how to use them right.not used correctly. In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that financial education should be mandatory in schools. This will help young people to bbecome more responsible with moneytheir finances and prepare them for real-life challenges. If schools start teaching this subject now, future generations will be better atequipped to managinge their financeial situations.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position on the necessity of financial education in schools. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant personal examples that support the argument. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions and expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors and improving sentence clarity, such as changing 'when I was student' to 'when I was a student' and 'make budget' to 'create a budget.' Further improvements could involve incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'when I was student' (should be 'a student') and 'make budget' (should be 'make a budget'). These errors occasionally hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'money management' and 'financial decisions.' However, there is some repetition of basic terms like 'money' and 'students.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, such as 'financial literacy' or 'budgeting skills,' to demonstrate greater lexical flexibility.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position on the necessity of financial education in schools. It develops main ideas with relevant examples from personal experience and societal observations. However, the argument could be strengthened by including more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made.
7.5

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