Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly.

Part 2
4.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, doctor ares advicse older peoples for to do regular exercises. I strongly agree that this is very important for health and will discuss this in this esseay. First of all, when people getting old, theyir bodyies become weaks. If they do not doingengage in any exercises, then theyir muscles become more weakser and they cannot movinge properly. ButHowever, regular exercises helps them for maintain theyir strength and movinge better. Also, exercises helps fordditionally, exercise aids blood circulation in the body, which is very importantcrucial for older peoples because they often have low blood circulation. Secondly, doing exercisesing regularly can prevents many diseases in older age like, such as heart problems, diabetes, and bones problem issues. When people do exercises, theyir hearts become stronger and pumping blood propermore effectively. This prevents heart attakcks and other heart problems. Alsocardiovascular problems. Furthermore, exercise helps control blood sugar levels and prevents diabetes. Exercises also make bones strongIt also strengthens bones and prevents bones problem-related issues like osteoporosis. In conclusion, I believes that regular exercise is very important for older peoples for to maintain theyir health and prevents many diseases. Doctors' advice is very good and older peoplebeneficial, and older individuals should follow this for theyguidance for better health in old age.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas regarding the importance of exercise for older individuals. Key strengths include a clear position and a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the depth of discussion. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better linking phrases, and enhancing vocabulary by replacing repetitive terms. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims and varying sentence structures for better engagement. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Moreover.'
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('doctor are advice'), incorrect verb forms ('doing exercises can prevents'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors hinder the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on basic grammar rules and sentence construction, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and repetitive phrases, such as 'exercises' and 'older peoples.' The writer could improve by using synonyms or more varied vocabulary, such as 'elderly individuals' or 'physical activity.' Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall quality.
4.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of why older people should exercise regularly, presenting a clear position and relevant ideas. However, it lacks depth in the discussion and could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or studies that highlight the benefits of exercise for older adults.
5.0

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