Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that doing an enjoyable activityies with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, when a child is doengaged ing an enjoyable activity, they are more engaged and motivated to learn. For example, if a child is playing with blocks and building a tower, they are using their imagination and problem-solving skills to figure out how to make the tower taller and more stable. This is more engaging than simply reading a book about building towers. The child is actively participating in the learning process, rather than just passively absorbing information. Secondly, doengaging ain enjoyable activityies allows for more hands-on learning and experimentation. When a child is reading a book, they are limited to the information presented in the text. However, when they are doinvolved ing an activity, they can try different approaches and see what works best. For examplinstance, if a child is painting a picture, they can experiment with differentvarious colours and techniques to create their desired effect. This allows forfosters more creativity and self-expression than simpmerely following the instructions in a book. Finally, doing an enjoyable activityies with a child also provides an opportunity for bonding and social interaction. When a parent or caregiver is doparticipates ing an activity with a child, they can have conversations and share ideas. This can help to build the child's language skills and social skills. In contrast, reading is often a solitary activity that does not provide the same level of social interaction and bonding. In conclusion, iI believe that doengaging ain enjoyable activityies with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. It allows for moregreater engagement, hands-on learning, and social interaction. While reading is still an important activity for children, it should be balanced with other types of learning experiences.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that supports the idea that enjoyable activities can foster better skills and creativity than reading. Key strengths include relevant examples and a logical progression of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in the use of phrases and sentence structures. The essay also lacks explicit acknowledgment of the benefits of reading, which could strengthen the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between ideas, and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. Further improvements could involve discussing counterarguments and the benefits of reading more explicitly. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the overall flow could be improved by using a wider variety of linking phrases.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'I am agree' instead of 'I agree' and 'reason for this' instead of 'reasons for this.' These errors affect the overall accuracy. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and complexity would enhance the score.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. Phrases like 'hands-on learning' and 'self-expression' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'doing an enjoyable activity,' which could be varied to enhance the lexical resource. Additionally, the use of 'i' should be corrected to 'I' for proper capitalization.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that supports the idea that enjoyable activities can foster better skills and creativity than reading. The main ideas are developed with relevant examples, such as building with blocks and painting. However, the argument could be strengthened by acknowledging the benefits of reading more explicitly and discussing potential counterarguments.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?