Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Today, problems with crimes in cities and countryies increase each year, and nobody knows the reason. In this writing, I will try to explain why this is happening and propose solutions for it. There are several reasons why crimes are more and more is becoming more prevalent each year. The first reason is that meany people don't have jobs, and they need money for life and for family so they must to steal something or rob other people to gettheir lives and families, so they feel compelled to steal or rob others to obtain money. Another important reason is drugs. There isare a lot of drugs ion the streets, and people who use ithem steelsal and kill to get money for drugs. They become aggressive from useing drugs and then makecommit crimes. Alsodditionally, young people don't know what to do in free time so they makeoften do not know how to spend their free time, leading to increased vandalism and gang fights hapen more. . To stop the crime rate from going up,rising, the government should makcreate more jobs that allow people canto work in honest waly and have salary for life. More police inearn a living. More police presence on the streets is also necessary, ands they need to catch drug dealers to stop drug problems. Alsoaddress drug-related issues. Furthermore, scholols and parents should educate children to not make crime and spend time good way likeabout the consequences of crime and encourage them to engage in positive activities, such as sports. With thisese solutions, I beleieve we can make crime rating stophalt the increase in crease evreryime rates each year. In conclusiaon, crime is biga significant problems we face in socyiety all the time. We have tomust work together, —from the government to familyies and school, to stops—to prevent young people from domaking wrong thing. Morepoor choices. Increasing job opportunityies is the most impotrtant step, and everyone must help tocontribute to solving this problem. Only then can the next generation have a safer world.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing the causes of crime and proposing solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the analysis of causes and solutions, as well as smoother transitions between ideas. The spelling errors and grammatical mistakes detract from the overall quality, and the writer should focus on enhancing their lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support the proposed solutions and elaborating on how job creation could be effectively implemented. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. To improve coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors (e.g., 'must to steal', 'there is lot of drugs', 'make vandalism and gang fights hapen more') that affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as correct verb forms.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'happning', 'meny', 'agresive', 'useing', 'goverment', 'schol', 'beleive', 'conclusian', 'socyety', 'oportunity', 'impotrant') that detract from the overall quality. The writer could enhance their lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing causes of crime and proposing solutions. However, it lacks depth in the analysis of causes and solutions, and some points are underdeveloped. For improvement, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the proposed solutions, such as how job creation could be implemented.
5.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?