Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more in education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

The eEducation for youngers are people is important, of course, but there areis also a needs to teach the adults that canwho could not study when they were small. I mostyounger. I strongly agree that governments should spending some money to the older people learning tooon adult education as well, and not only to theon childsren and teens. agers. First, there isare many adults who hasve a low level of studyeducation because they did nont have the chance forto attend a good school or they musthad to work inat a young age forto survive. They will have a very difficulty life if the government does not help them to learning af later, because it is hard to find not baddecent work without enough studysufficient education. For example, my aunt had to leave the school at 14 years old forto working in a shoes factory, and now she is 45 without a complete education,; she can only can work in the low salarylow-paying jobs. If she could study now for free now, her life canould be moreuch easy. Also, theier. Furthermore, countries can be betternefit if more people hasve a higher level of education, because the personas individuals will be morebetter prepared for the jobs and the economy can growing faster. Like iIn my country, the factories need more workers with technical skills, but it is not easy to find them and the production is slow, affecting all, which slows down production and affects everyone. The government has started programs forto teach technical education to adults, and this is makimproving the things go more good. situation. In conclusion, iI believe theat governments must invest in adult education tooas well, especially for the poor peoplose who could not study enough when they were young. This will be very positive for theyir lifves and for the whole country.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of adult education alongside youth education, presenting a clear position that governments should invest in this area. Key strengths include relevant examples and a logical flow of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include clearer paragraph separation and improved transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include the addition of more detailed examples and a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow of ideas, but the coherence is somewhat hindered by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between points.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the education for youngers are important'), incorrect verb forms ('should spending'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'youngers' instead of 'young people' and 'the adults that cant study' which should be 'who cannot study'. More varied and sophisticated vocabulary could improve the overall quality, such as using 'individuals' instead of 'persons' and 'enhance' instead of 'make better'.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of adult education alongside youth education. It presents a clear position that governments should invest in adult education, supported by relevant examples. However, the argument could be strengthened with more detailed examples and a clearer structure, such as distinct paragraphs for each main point.
6.0

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