Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Environmental damage has becomed very big a significant problem in most of countries inaround the world. There are many causes for this damage, and there are also many thingnumerous actions that should be done about it to solve this problemtaken to address it. One of the main causes of environmental damage is the pollution. Pollution is caused by many thingvarious factors, such as factories, cars, and other thingsources that release harmful chemicals into the air and water. These chemicals can causpollutants can lead to severe problems for the environment and for the health of both people and animals. Another cause of environmental damage is deforestation. Deforestation ioccurs when trees are cut down to make room for farms or cities. This can cause problemurban development. This can create significant issues for the environment because trees help toplay a crucial role in cleaning the air and provide homes for animals. There are many things that should be done to solve the problem of environmental damage. One thing that should be done is toing habitats for wildlife. To tackle the problem of environmental damage, several measures should be implemented. Firstly, reduceing pollution is essential. This can be doneachieved by making factories and carvehicles more environmentally friendly and by encouraging people to use public transportation or to walk or bikcycle instead of driving. AnoFurther thing that should be done is to reducemore, efforts should be made to combat deforestation. This can be done byinvolve planting more trees and by protecting existing forests from being cut downleared. Finally, people should beublic educatedion about the importance of protecting the environmentenvironmental protection is vital. This can be donefacilitated through schools and through media campaigns. In conclusion, environmental damage is a big problempressing issue in mostany countries. It is primarily caused by pollution and deforestation, and itwhich can have serious consequences for the environment and for people'shuman health. To solveaddress this problem, we need tomust reduce pollution and deforestation andwhile educate peopleing the public about the importance of protecting theour environment. If we work together, we can make a significant difference and help to protectsafeguard our planet for future generations.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, identifying causes of environmental damage and proposing solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing grammatical accuracy, expanding vocabulary to avoid repetition, and incorporating more specific examples to strengthen arguments. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of pollutants and successful reforestation efforts, as well as varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, but the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For example, using more varied linking phrases such as 'in addition' or 'furthermore' would enhance the flow of ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'has becomed' instead of 'has become' and awkward phrasing like 'very big problem.' While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat repetitive, with terms like 'pollution' and 'deforestation' appearing multiple times without synonyms. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, such as 'environmental degradation' or 'habitat loss,' to demonstrate lexical flexibility.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying causes of environmental damage and suggesting solutions. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer position on the urgency of the issue. For instance, discussing specific pollutants or successful case studies of reforestation would enhance the response.
7.0

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