Environmental issues such as climate change have always been an international challenge because the government is not imposing harsh punishments against offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Climate change has been a bsignificant problem in the world for many years. It is a problemn issue that affects everyone in the worldglobally, not just one country. Many people thinkbelieve that the government should do more to stoptake stronger action to combat climate change, but; however, I disagree. I thinkcontend that the government should not impose harsh punishments against offenders. First of ally, the government cannot control everything that people do action that individuals take. People havepossess their own free will and they can choose to do what they wantheir behaviours. If the government tries to control everything, it will be very difficult and it will not be effective. Instead of punishing peopleattempts to regulate every aspect of life, it will face considerable challenges, and such measures are unlikely to be effective. Rather than resorting to punishment, the government should focus onprioritise educating peoplethe public about the importance of protecting the environmentenvironmental protection. Education is more effective than punishment because it helps people understand why theyfosters understanding of why individuals should care aboutfor the environment. Secondly Moreover, harsh punishments are not always fair. Sometimes, peopleequitable. There are instances where individuals may not be unaware that they are doing something wrongir actions are harmful. For example, a farmer may not knowrealise that the chemicals he is using are harmfudetrimental to the environment. If the government punishes him harshly, it will not be fair becauseimposes severe penalties on him, it would be unjust, as he didmay not have known any better. Instead of punishing peopletive measures, the government should provideoffer support and resources to help people make betterassist individuals in making more informed choices. In conclusion, I disagreemaintain that the government should not impose harsh punishments againston offenders of environmental issues. Education and support are more effective ways tostrategies for addressing climate change than punishment. The government should focusconcentrate on educating peoplethe public and providing resources to helpempower them to make better choices for the environment.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position against harsh punishments for environmental offenders and develops its main ideas with relevant examples, such as the importance of education and fairness in punishment. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and appropriate vocabulary for the topic. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples or data to enhance persuasiveness, as well as the use of more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to improve coherence. Structural changes made include replacing basic transition phrases with more advanced linking phrases and ensuring clearer topic sentences. Suggestions for further improvement not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating synonyms to reduce repetition and using more complex sentence structures for greater grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point that supports the main argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between ideas could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance the flow of the essay. Phrases like 'first of all' and 'secondly' are somewhat basic and could be replaced with more advanced linking phrases.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate sentence formation. However, there are some awkward constructions, such as 'the government cannot control everything that people do,' which could be expressed more clearly. Minor grammatical errors are present but do not significantly impede understanding. To improve, the writer should aim for more complex sentence structures and ensure clarity in expression.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'harsh punishments,' 'educating people,' and 'support and resources.' However, there is some repetition of phrases such as 'the government should' and 'instead of punishing people,' which detracts from the overall lexical variety. To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more sophisticated expressions to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against harsh punishments for offenders of environmental issues. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the importance of education and the fairness of punishments. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or data to support the claims made, which would enhance the overall persuasiveness of the response.
6.5

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