Environmental issues such as climate change have always been an international problem because governments are not imposing harsh punishments against offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument regarding the international nature of environmental issues. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a relevant topic that addresses the prompt. The writer expresses their opinion effectively and provides reasons to support their stance. Critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples to strengthen the argument, as well as a reduction in grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The vocabulary could also be enhanced by using a wider range of terms and avoiding repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better linking phrases, and refining vocabulary choices. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of successful international environmental initiatives and using more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of the writing. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('this are international problem'), incorrect verb forms ('be do more things'), and spelling mistakes ('diffcult', 'attenton', 'increse'). These errors hinder clarity and detract from the overall quality of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading their work and practicing correct grammatical structures.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misuse of words (e.g., 'import' instead of 'important', 'profts' instead of 'profits'). The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more sophisticated expressions to convey their ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the statement that environmental issues are international problems requiring government action. However, the argument lacks depth and specific examples to support the claims made. To improve, the writer could include specific instances of successful international cooperation or examples of effective punishments that have led to positive environmental outcomes.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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