Environmental pollution and species extinction

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, environmental pollution is a big problem which causes many species to go extinct. I strongly agree that these two issues are related and connected to each other. There are several reasons why I think this way, which I will explain in the following paragraphs. Firstly, environmental pollution such as air pollution, water pollution, and soil pollution can make it very difficult for many animals and plants to survive in their natural habitats. For example, when factories release toxic chemicals into rivers, it poisons the water and kills many fish. Alsodditionally, when forests are cleared for farms or cities, many animals lose their homes and food sources. Over time, if their living environment keeps getting polluted and destroyed, it can cause entire species to die out and go extinct forever. Secondly, environmental pollution contributes to climate change and global warming, which is another major cause of species extinction these days. When we release greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuels, it traps heat in the atmosphere and makes the planet get hotter overall. This rising temperature changes weather patterns and makes some places too hot, cold, dry, or wet for certain species to live in anymore. For instance, many polar animals like polar bears are struggling to survive because the Arctic ice is melting from global warming. If climate change continues to get worse because ofn due to pollution, more and more species will not be able to adapt and will go extinct as a result. In conclusion, I strongly believe that environmental pollution is directly harming many species and driving them towards extinction in multiple ways. B, both by destroying habitats and changing the climate. We need to take urgent action to reduce pollution,; or eltherwise, we will keep losing precious animals and plants until it's too late. If we all work together and make some changes, hopefully, we can protect the earth's biodiversity before it's gone forever.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the topic of environmental pollution and species extinction, presenting a clear position that these issues are interconnected. Key strengths include well-developed main ideas supported by relevant examples, such as the impact of toxic chemicals on aquatic life and the effects of climate change on polar species. However, there are critical areas for improvement, including the need for more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and minor grammatical errors that could be corrected for better accuracy. Structural changes made include the addition of a transition phrase in the second body paragraph to enhance coherence and the correction of possessive forms and punctuation errors. Further improvements could involve incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument and varying the vocabulary used throughout the essay. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, a sentence summarizing the first point before introducing the second could enhance coherence.
7.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The grammatical structures used are generally accurate, with a mix of simple and complex sentences. There are minor errors, such as 'todays' (should be 'today's') and 'its' (should be 'it's'), but these do not significantly impede understanding. To achieve a higher score, the writer could demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and ensure accuracy in punctuation and possessive forms.
7.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the message clearly. Terms like 'toxic chemicals,' 'greenhouse gases,' and 'biodiversity' demonstrate a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'environmental pollution' and 'species extinction,' which could be varied to enhance lexical richness. Using synonyms or paraphrasing could improve this aspect.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic of environmental pollution and species extinction, presenting a clear position that these issues are interconnected. The main ideas are well-developed with relevant examples, such as the impact of toxic chemicals on aquatic life and the effects of climate change on polar species. To improve further, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their argument.
8.0

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