Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual persons to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and addresses the prompt adequately, demonstrating an understanding of the importance of both international cooperation and individual action in addressing environmental issues. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a relevant discussion of the topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas with more specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing clarity in the expression of ideas. Further improvements that could be implemented include providing more concrete examples of successful international environmental agreements and varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. Additionally, the writer could benefit from practicing complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied and effective. To enhance coherence, the writer should focus on clearer transitions between ideas and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. For example, 'the environmant problems our world facing nowdays is very big' should be 'the environmental problems our world is facing nowadays are very significant.' While the writer attempts to use complex sentences, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and practice constructing more complex sentences correctly.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'greeing', 'environmant', 'sloving', 'exampal', 'individuols', 'recykling', 'garbege', 'protacting', 'hight takes', 'factorys', 'aggree', 'colaborate', 'countrys', 'think', 'cleener', 'healtyer'). The writer demonstrates some range in vocabulary but relies on repetitive phrases. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and correcting spelling mistakes.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion on the extent to which environmental problems can be addressed at an international level. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided could be more specific and relevant. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the international cooperation aspect and provide more concrete examples of successful international environmental agreements.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
Related Writing Samples
Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?
The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?
In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?