Families who send their children to private school should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I amdo not agree with the statement that families who send theyir children to private schools should not pay taxes forto support state education. I think it is not feair for the families and also for the society as a whole. First of all, even if a family sends their children to a private school, they still benefit from the state education system in many ways. For example, the parents themselves likely received their education from state schools, and they may have friends or relatives who have children in state schools. Additionally, a well-educated population benefits everyone in society, regardless of where they received their education. ITherefore, it is important that all members of society contribute to this common good. Secondly, exempting certain families from paying education taxes would create an unfair burden on those who do have to pay. If some families were allowed to opt out of paying taxes for state schools, the tax burden would fall more heavily on the remaining families. This could lead to resentment and division within communities. It is importantThus, it is crucial that everyone contributes their fair share to support the education system. Finally, allowing families to opt out of paying education taxes could lead to a decline in the quality of state schools. If fewer people are paying into the system, there will be less money available to fund education. This could lead toresult in larger class sizes, fewer resources, and a lower quality of education overall. ThiSuch outcomes would be detrimental to students in state schools and to society as a whole. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the idea that families who send their children to private schools should be exempt from paying taxes to support state education. It is importantessential that all members of society contribute to the education system, regardless of whether they personally use it or not. Exempting some families from this responsibility would be unfair and could have negative consequences for everyone.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position against the exemption of families sending their children to private schools from paying taxes for state education. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and relevant arguments that support the main stance. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing, as well as the need for a wider range of vocabulary. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions between paragraphs, and improving clarity in phrasing. Further improvements could involve incorporating specific examples or data to strengthen arguments and using more varied sentence structures. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point that supports the main argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('families who send they children'), incorrect article usage ('for support state education'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but there are instances of repetition and some awkward phrasing, such as 'not agree' instead of 'do not agree' and 'for support state education' instead of 'to support state education.' A wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions would elevate the score.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the exemption of families sending their children to private schools from paying taxes for state education. It presents relevant arguments and examples to support this stance. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument further.
7.0

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