Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is argumented by some people that families sending their childsren to private school should not have to pay tax for supporting the state education. I am agree with this statement to a limited extend.t. Firstly, it can be argued that it is unfairness for families to pay twice - once for private school fees and again for state school tax. Private school is very expensive, and paying tax on top of the high fees is like double charging for education. For example, in my country, the yearly fees for private schools isare often more than the average person's salary. Requiring more money in tax is seems like punishing the parents for chooseing private education. However, I believe it is important that all people in society contribute to public education, even if theire children do not attend state school. Good public schools isare essential for makcreating opportunities for all children to successed, regardless of family income. Everyone in the community benefits from having well-educated citizens. For instance, public education helps lower crime rates and unemployment. Also Furthermore, many children in private schools will eventually transfer to state universities that isare funded by tax money. SoTherefore, the parents should help fund the whole system, not only the parts that they are using at one time. It is likesimilar to how all people pay tax for having good roads and infrastructure, even if they are not always driving on every road in the country. To conclude, while I am sympathetic to the financial challenges for families with kids in private school, I tend to disagree overall with the idea that they should not pay education tax. The benefits of public education isare for everyone in society, directly or indirectly. If the tax burden is too high, maybeperhaps the government can provide some discounts or subsidyies for the private school families instead of fully exempting them from contributeing to state education. After all, strong public schools isare important for all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position on the topic and develops main ideas with relevant examples, which is a key strength. However, it could benefit from a more balanced argument by acknowledging opposing viewpoints more thoroughly. The coherence and cohesion of the essay are generally good, but transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. The vocabulary is appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that could be improved with a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, the essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity, and correcting these would enhance the overall quality. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and reasoned approach throughout. In terms of structural changes, I corrected grammatical errors, improved transitions, and varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence. For further improvements, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their argument and consider addressing counterarguments more explicitly. Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic but requires refinement in language accuracy and argument balance.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could enhance the flow of the argument.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'argumented', 'childs', 'I am agree', and 'is seem like'. These errors affect the overall clarity of the writing. While there is some variety in sentence structure, the writer should focus on correcting these mistakes and using more complex sentences accurately to enhance their score.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'tax', 'education') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'is seem like punishing'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to convey their ideas more effectively.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position and developing main ideas with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more balanced by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly. To improve, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their argument.
6.5

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