Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development? What are the reasons for this?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

There are lessfewer studentSs studiying science and math in schools than before. Instead, students prefer doing computer-realated subjects. I think this is both positive and negative for multiple reasons. On the positive side, I beliefve this development is positivebeneficial for society. Computrers will be more important in the future. Jobs will evolved to involve more computer skills. Students can learn goodvaluable skills for carreers in the future, such as computer programmaring, web designer, and graphics designer. Those jobs will always obe in high demand untilfor decade in futurs to come. Computer jobs also often pay higher salaryies than other jobs. HA high salary means students will lifeead good lifeves after graduateion. Studying computer skills makegives student has more opportunitityes in life and career. However, there also hasre also drawbacks to students choosing computrer studyies instead of Sscience. For example, science and mathematics are important for society!. Many importantcrucial fields like Pphysics, Bbiology, and Cchemeistry needs science experts to makinge new discoveryies for humankind. For exampleinstance, vaccines, medicines, and new energy sources founare developed using scientific knowledge. If lessfewer students studiesy science, less progress beingwill be made in the future. I worry that in the future, there will not be enough young Sscientists and researchers to make new progresadvancements. Schools and university has toies must maintain hiigh-quality of science education sto continue produceing expret inerts in the science field. To conclude, whether ithis trend is positive or negative depends on perspectives. For the individual student, it may be more beneficial to study computrers. But for whole societyHowever, for society as a whole, science is still musta necessity. I suggest a balance - let—allow students to choose their interest buts while still provideing quality science education for studen whothose willing to further studytheir studies in science.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the decline in students studying science. Key strengths include a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and expanding on the implications of the decline in science education with more specific examples. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing the flow of ideas with clearer transitions. Further improvements could involve providing more concrete examples of how the decline in science education affects society and varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('student prefer' should be 'students prefer'), incorrect verb forms ('evolved to involv'), and sentence fragments. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'studiing', 'computres', 'mutiple', 'opportunitity') and some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'student', 'computer'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling and word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of fewer students studying science. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly supported with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the implications of the decline in science education and provide more concrete examples of how this affects society.
6.0

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