Globalization is considered by many to be the most important factor influencing the world today. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of globalisation and give your own opinion.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Globalization is the most important factor influencing the world today. There isare many advantages to globaliszation, such globalisation bras bringing people togethoer from different countries and cultures. HIt helps people to understanding each other better because they can travel and work in another countries. Alsodditionally, globalization allow tos trade and business between countries to become more easyeasier. This is goodbeneficial for the economy of all country. ies. However, globalization have some badalso has some negative effect alsos. One disadvantage is that it makes the world more same,uniform, with everywhere becomeing similiar. Local cultures and traditions may be lost becausdue to the influence of other cultures. AlsoFurthermore, globaliszation can cause lose of jobjob losses in some countries because companyies move factories to countryies with cheaper workers. This creates unemployment and causes hardnessship for some people. In conclusion, iI believe globalization haves both advantages and disadvanteages. It is important to find a balance between the benefits, such as improved understanding between people and easier trading, and the negatives, like loss of diversity and some economic problems it can sometimes creatinge. If we can managinge globaliszation in the right way, the positives will be greateroutweigh then negatives, in my opinion.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of globalization, as well as providing a personal opinion. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples to support the points made, as well as smoother transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence structure, and refining vocabulary for clarity and precision. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples of how globalization affects local cultures or economies and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For instance, transitions between points could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking phrases such as 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to better connect contrasting ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('globalization is most important factor influence world today'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement, as well as proofreading for minor mistakes.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'globalization have some bad effect' and 'this create unemployment.' The writer could improve by using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms. For example, instead of 'bad effect,' they could use 'negative consequences.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of globalization, as well as providing a personal opinion. However, the response lacks depth in some areas, such as specific examples to support the points made. To improve, the writer could include more detailed explanations or examples of how globalization affects local cultures or economies.
6.0

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