Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, globalization is making bsignificant changes in how people live and think everywhere. I partially agree that it affects our cultures, but I don't think it completely destroys national identities. First of all, it is true that globalization makes many thingaspects become the same in different countries. For example, young people in my country are wearing similar clothes like peoplto those in America and Europe, and we are eating at McDonald's and drinking Starbucks coffee. Alsodditionally, when I look at social media, I see that people from different countries are sharing the same type of content and following sameimilar trends. This makesleads to cultures becomeing more similaralike between countries. However, I believe national identity is still very strong in many places. In my experience, even though we use international brands and watch Netflix shows, we still keepmaintain our traditional festivals and customs. LikeFor instance, in my country, we still celebrate our nNew yYear with traditional food and family gatherings, and young people stillcontinue to respect these traditions very much. AlsoFurthermore, local languages continue to beremain important even though English is becoming more common for business and the internet. Furthermore Moreover, I think globalization sometimes makes people want to protect their culture even more. When I see how some countries are making efforts to keep their traditional arts and music alive, it shows that national identity doesn't disappear so easily. Many people are proud of their unique culture and want to share it with others, which actually makes cultural diversity more interesting in a global world. In conclusion, while globalization definitely brings similar lifestyle patterns across countries, I believe it doesn't completely destroy national identities. Instead, it creates a mix where modern global culture coexists together with traditional values and customs. This balance is making our world both connected and culturally rich at the same time.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that partially agrees with the statement regarding globalization and national identity. Key strengths include relevant examples and a logical progression of ideas, which contribute to a coherent argument. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the variety of vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures for greater grammatical range. Structural changes made include refining transitions between ideas and ensuring clearer topic sentences in each paragraph. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples or data to strengthen arguments and varying cohesive devices to enhance flow. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there are some cohesive devices used, such as 'first of all' and 'however.' However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the use of more varied cohesive devices would enhance the overall flow.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'same type of content' (should be 'the same type of content') and 'at same time' (should be 'at the same time'), but these do not significantly impede understanding. To improve, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure greater accuracy in grammar.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. Phrases like 'traditional festivals' and 'cultural diversity' demonstrate a good range. However, there are instances of repetition, such as 'same' and 'similar,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases could be more sophisticated to elevate the overall quality.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that partially agrees with the statement. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the influence of globalization on clothing and food choices, while also highlighting the persistence of national identity through traditions and customs. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to strengthen their arguments further.
7.5

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