Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am partly agree with the idea that the government should not spentd money on art likethe arts, such as music or theatre, and instead use it on public services. In my opinion, while art is important for the culture and entertainment of society, the government haves a bigger priority to make surensure that the basic needs of citizens are met first. On the one hand, music, theatre, and other forms of art add significant value to the community. They provide a way for people to express themselfves creatively and also bring joy and relaxation to many people whoindividuals, whether they are audience members or participants. Art helps to educate people and makeencourages them to think deeply about life and the world around them. Without art, society would be a more boring and less vibrant place. However, on the other hand, iI believe that the job of the government is firstprimarily to provide essential services that people need to survive and live a healthy life. This means investing in things likeareas such as healthcare, education, housing, and transportation and so on. If the government does not spend enough money on thisallocate enough funding to these important areas, then citizens will suffer, and the quality of life will be low. decline. In conclusion, while iI understand the importance of art and think the government should provide some support for it, iI believe that the majority of public funding must go towards basic services that are critical for the well-being of the population. Only after thisese needs are met should extra money be used to fund the arts and culture. So iTherefore, I partly agree with the statement, that the government should prioritizse public services but not completely neglect the arts either.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position that is partly in agreement with the statement, effectively discussing the importance of both the arts and public services. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs and relevant examples. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, particularly in the conclusion, and smoother transitions between points. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with varied linking phrases, and improving lexical choices to avoid repetition and inaccuracies. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of public services that require funding and using more sophisticated vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance coherence. To improve, the writer should focus on smoother transitions and clearer connections between points.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I am partly agree' (should be 'I partly agree') and 'government have bigger priority' (should be 'the government has a bigger priority'). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structures, the errors affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as 'art like music or theatre' instead of 'arts such as music and theatre.' Additionally, words like 'relax' should be 'relaxation.' The writer demonstrates some range but could benefit from using more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. To improve, the writer should aim to diversify their word choice and correct minor errors.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that is partly in agreement with the statement. It discusses the importance of both the arts and public services, providing relevant examples. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the conclusion could be more definitive. To improve, the writer could elaborate on specific examples of public services that require funding and clarify the extent of support for the arts.
6.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?