Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this modern era, governments focus more and more ton finding different sources of energy. Like the, such as renewable and green energy, likeincluding solar power, wind power, and hydropower. I am agree with this opinion, because of for many reasons, thatwhich I will explain in this essay. Firstly, the traditional energy sources like coal, oil, and gas, they are not renewable. They will run out in the future, and we need to find other sources of energy to replace them. The gGovernments should promote the alternative sources, so that we can hav to ensure sustainable energy for the future. Also, thedditionally, traditional energy sources, they cause pollution and damage to the environment. TheIn contrast, alternative sources are clean and green, and they do not harm the nature. Secondly, the alternative energy sources, they can help to reduce the dependence on other countries for energy. Many countries, they import oil and gas from other countries, and this can cause, which can lead to problems if there are conflicts or disruptions in supply. If the countries havedevelop their own alternative energy sources, they can become more self-sufficient and secure in their energy needs. Therefore, governments should invest in research and development of alternative energy, to make it more efficient and affordable for people to use. In conclusion, I strongly agree that governments should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. It This importants crucial for the future sustainability and security of energy supply, and alsos well as for the protection of the environment. The gGovernments should provide incentives and support for the development and use of alternative energy, to encourage more people and businesses to adopt it.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion in favour of promoting alternative energy sources, which is a key strength. It addresses relevant reasons, such as sustainability and reduced dependence on imports. However, there are critical areas for improvement, including the need for more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of the points made. The introduction could be more engaging, and the use of cohesive devices could be varied to enhance coherence. Structural changes included correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvement not implemented include incorporating more varied vocabulary and examples to support the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and could be improved. For instance, phrases like 'the alternative sources' and 'the traditional energy sources' are used frequently, which affects the flow. More varied linking words and phrases would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'I am agree' should be 'I agree') and awkward constructions. These errors occasionally hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to enhance complexity.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with terms like 'renewable', 'sustainable', and 'pollution' being relevant. However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'goverments', 'diferent', 'esay') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the use of phrases could be more varied to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'alternative sources' and 'traditional energy'.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by expressing a clear opinion in favor of promoting alternative energy sources. It presents relevant reasons and examples, such as the sustainability of alternative sources and the reduction of dependence on imports. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of these points. Additionally, the introduction could be more engaging and clearly state the position.
6.5

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