Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinnion i am, I agree that the government should to spend more money foron railways than on roads. There isare different reasons for this, which iI will explain in this esseay. Firstly, railway iss are much more efficient tofor carrying a lotarge number of people inat the same time. When you look at trains, one train can transport thousands of peoples in one times. But ingo. In contrast, a car can only 4-5 person can travel in same time. Socarry 4-5 people at a time. Therefore, railway iss are better for moving large amounts of people quickly and efficiently. O Another reason is that trains cause less pollution than cars. Cars release a lot of dirtyharmful gases, which make the environment unhealthy. TWhile trains also makproduce some pollution but, it is muchsignificantly lower comparinged to cars because one train replaces many cars. So ifThus, if the government invests more oin railways, it will help to reduce air pollution in cities and keep the environment clean for poeboth people and animals living there. In conclusion, I strongliy agree that governments should focus their spending more on the railway system instead of on roads. Railway iss provide a more effective way to transport large numbers of people, and ithey also help the environment by reducing air pollution. If every country improve theirs its railway it will make bigsystem, it will lead to a significant positive change for societiy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion that the government should invest more in railways than roads, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be elaborated with specific examples, such as successful railway systems in other countries. The structure is basic but generally follows the required format, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Improvements were made to enhance coherence and cohesion by adding transitional phrases and correcting grammatical errors. Additionally, spelling mistakes were addressed to improve lexical resource. For further improvement, the writer could include more detailed examples and statistics to support their arguments, as well as explore counterarguments to strengthen their position. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved with better transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ('should to spend'), subject-verb agreement issues ('thousand of peoples'), and awkward phrasing ('it help to reduce air polution'). While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'opinnion', 'diffrent', 'essey', 'beter', 'polution', 'unhelthy', 'goverment', 'strongli', 'effectiv', 'societi') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that the government should invest more in railways than roads. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For instance, discussing successful railway systems in other countries could strengthen the argument.
6.0

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