Hamilton shopping mall Describe your recent visit to the Hamilton shopping mall, mention: your journey to the shopping centre the variety of shops and facilities your opinion of the special offers

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I went recently went ton the Hamilton shopping mall. To goet there, I first i taketook bus number 11 from my house. The journey was long, and athere were many people ion the bus. It takesook half an hour to arrive at the shopping mall. When I arrived, iI seeaw that the Hamilton shopping mall is very large. It has 4four levels and manynumerous shops ion every level. On the first level, there are a lot ofnumerous clothing shops, likesuch as H&M, Zara, orand Gap. On tThe second level ifeatures the food court, withhich has many different restaurants and fast food places. I like to eatparticularly enjoy their pizza from Pizza Hut orand burgers from McDonald's. The third level hacontains many electronic shops, likincluding the Apple sStore orand Samsung sStore. And onFinally, the top level ihouses a big cinema with 10ten screens. In my opinion, the Hamilton shopping mall haves many good special offers. For example, inat H&M, there was a sale with a 50% discount on all t-shirts and jeans. Alsodditionally, in the food court, some restaurants had special menus with lower prices. I think this is great for customers, because they can save money when they shop or eat at the mall. Overall, iI really enjoyed my visit to the Hamilton shopping mall. It haves everything iI need, from clothes to food and entertainment. The special offers make it even better, because iI can buy more things with my money. I will definitely come back to this mall in the future, and iI recommend it to all my friends and family.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, effectively describing the journey to the Hamilton shopping mall, the variety of shops, and the author's opinion on special offers. Key strengths include a logical progression of ideas and a generally appropriate tone. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms, as well as enhancing lexical variety to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and using more varied vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples of shops and facilities to enrich the description. The tone used is appropriate for a personal recount, maintaining a friendly and engaging style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The writing is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow. For example, the transition between discussing the levels of the mall could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would improve the overall cohesion of the text.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'the Hamilton shopping mall have' should be 'the Hamilton shopping mall has') and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'i take' should be 'I took'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'mall' and 'level.' The writer could enhance their lexical resource by incorporating synonyms or more varied expressions. Additionally, some phrases could be more sophisticated, such as using 'numerous' instead of 'a lot of.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task by describing the journey to the Hamilton shopping mall, the variety of shops and facilities, and the opinion on special offers. However, there are some minor inconsistencies in the details provided, such as the lack of specific examples for the variety of shops and facilities. To improve, the writer could include more specific details about the shops and facilities, and ensure that the tone is consistent throughout.
6.0

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