Hi, I'm so excited that you're coming to stay with me for a week! (Me too!) On your first evening here, there's a rock concert in our town. Would you like to go to the concert or would you prefer us to relax at home? (Say which I prefer) Also, shall we go climbing in the mountains while you're here? (No, because ...) Let me know if you have any questions. See you soon Sandy
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
1. Key strengths of the essay include a clear expression of excitement about the visit and a friendly tone that engages the reader. The letter effectively addresses the prompt by discussing preferences regarding the concert and climbing. 2. Critical areas for improvement involve grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and articles, as well as enhancing coherence through better transitions between ideas. Additionally, varying vocabulary would improve the overall quality of the writing. 3. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and ensuring proper phrasing. For example, 'excite about coming visit you' was changed to 'excited about coming to visit you,' and 'have nice chat' was corrected to 'have a nice chat.' 4. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, providing a clearer rationale for the preference to relax at home could strengthen the argument. 5. The tone used is appropriate for a friendly letter, maintaining warmth and enthusiasm throughout. However, ensuring consistency in this tone would further enhance the overall engagement of the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be better linked for smoother transitions. For example, the transition between discussing the concert and climbing could be more fluid. Using more cohesive devices would enhance the overall clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
There are several grammatical errors, such as 'excite about coming visit you' instead of 'excited about coming to visit you,' and issues with verb forms and articles. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. Improving grammatical accuracy would raise the score significantly.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'I am looking forward' and 'I would love.' More varied expressions could enhance the letter. Additionally, phrases like 'have nice chat' should be corrected to 'have a nice chat' for accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter addresses the prompt effectively, expressing excitement about the visit and preferences regarding the concert and climbing. However, it could be improved by providing a clearer rationale for the preference to relax at home and by ensuring the tone is consistently friendly and engaging throughout.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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